Wednesday, October 01, 2008

A collection of great humor

A collection of great humor!

"And how are you going to be the vice president of the United States with

five kids to take care of?  She's got a four-month-old of her own, she's

about to become a grandmother, and she's partnered with John McCain.  How

many diapers can one woman possibly change?" --Jimmy Kimmel


"Some people are saying that McCain picked Sarah Palin to appeal to women

who supported Hillary Clinton. This is crazy. You can't just replace Hillary

Clinton with another woman. Bill tried that, it didn't work out." --Craig



 "Not only is she young, they're saying she's the prettiest candidate for

Vice Presid ent since John Edwards." --Jimmy Kimmel


 "There was some breaking news out of Dayton, Ohio today, where Republican

presidential candidate John McCain introduced the world to his third wife."

--Jon Stewart


 "Actually, it was kind of a smart choice. McCain went with a woman because

he didn't want to have to be in a position to have to get CPR from Mitt

Romney." --Jay Leno


 "Today George Bush called Gov. Palin and congratulated her. Bush told Palin

the job of vice president is very important because as vice president, you

get to tell the president what to do." --Jay Leno


 "John McCain's VP pick is the governor of Alaska, a unknown hockey mom

named Sarah Palin that no one ever heard of. The only other job she had in

politics was the mayor of a small town known as Wasilla, Alaska, and now she

has the opportunity to be on a ticket opposite of Barack Obama, the first

black man she's ever seen." --Bill Maher


 "Governor Sarah Palin gave her speech tonight at the GOP Convention, and it

gave people who didn't know anything about her the chance to finally meet

her, you know, like John McCain." --Jay Leno 


 "It's true, John McCain's running mate, Alaska Governor Sarah Palin, has

revealed that her 17-year-old daughter is pregnant... Palin said, 'We should

never have introduced her to John Edwards.'" --Conan O'Brien


 "Speaking of Sarah Palin, she said she's a life-long member of the National

Rifle Association. Which may explain why she's in favor of shotgun

weddings." --Conan O'Brien


 "You know, Sarah Palin, John McCain selected her to be the vice

presidential running mate on the Republican ticket, and she's also the

governor of Alaska, and outdoors, likes the outdoors, likes assault rifles,

has a collection of rifles, likes to shoot assault rifles. I'll say this for

her daughter's boyfriend - the kid's got guts." --David Letterman


 "By the way, here's good news, ladies and gentlemen: the Palin family

crisis that we were talking about on Sunday and Monday, that has been solved

now, and, today, the baby is being adopted by Angelina Jolie." --David



 "Vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has many views. She says she's

opposed to same-sex marriage. Did you know that? Yeah, Palin says everyone

knows marriage isn't for gay people; it's for pregnant teenagers." --Conan



 "And you've got to love this: Sarah Palin is an avid hunter. An avid

hunter. A vice president who likes guns? Well, what could go wrong there?"

--David Letterman


 "Let me ask you a question: is it just me, or does Sarah Palin look like a

model for LensCrafters?" --David Letterman


 "I think this is pertinent because McCain has been running this campaign

based on 'we're at war, it's a dangerous world out there. The Democrats

don't get that.  I John McCain am the only one standing between the

blood-thirsty Al Qaedas and you.  But if I die, this stewardess can handle

it.'" --Bill Maher


 "When they were vetting her for this job, like three seconds ago, she said,

quote, I'm not making this up, 'What is it exactly that the VP does every

day?' Let me field that for you, Sarah. They start wars, they enrich their

friends, they subvert the Constitution, and they shoot people in the face.

That's what the vice president does." --Bill Maher


 "Did you see Sarah Palin standing next to McCain at the podium the other

day when he introduced her?  Didn't it look like one of those commercials

where the daughter is trying to find a nice home to put Dad in?  'We'd like

someplace quiet.'" --Jay Leno


 "The McCain people believe that Americans will d isregard her inexperience

because they will fall in love with her story.  She was a runner up in the

1984 Miss Alaska Pageant., which may sound trite, but you try walking in

high-heeled snow shoes." --Bill Maher


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